The following is a list of things I’ve heard or read along the way that I find poignant or funny.
Same same. But different.
The only problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
One rotten fish makes the whole catch smell.
Great look but bad breath.
I love you long time. Translation: I love you until your money runs out.
Warning signs of possible travel addiction to SE Asia:
- The faint smell of sewage combined with car exhaust makes you mildly aroused.
- Someone smells really bad. You look around and realize that nobody else is there.
- Each time you cross something off your list of destinations/experiences, you replace it with at least ten new items.
- You can sleep on bags of rice.
- You like to sleep on bags of rice.
- Dodging cars, motorbikes, pushcarts and livestock is your only form of cardio.
- You can say, “Here kitty, kitty…” in at least five languages.
- At some point you have considered using your Lonely Planet guide for one of the following: a) sunblock; b) pillow; c) a dating tool; d) toilet paper; e) rolling paper.
I asked my tutor if she was married and here’s how she responded:
Mai (no). Women who work don’t need to marry. Why we need husband? Marriage is like lottery. You hope for first prize but maybe you get second or third. Thai men are cheater. Have intercourse with prostitute. Don’t tell you. Lie. How can I know what they are bringing home? Thai men have no responsibility. Working women don’t need.
I took a temple tour with a guide in Chiang Mai. His spiel went something like this:
Today we visit Doi Suthep. Maybe we go by elephant. Please no wear yellow or green. Elephant think you big banana. Lost a farang yesterday. Hill tribes making opium. Big problem, na? Now sell crafts for tourism. Better, na? Maybe try to sell you kilo. You can buy. It’s no my money. But I have kilo in my bag. Anyone want to try? We can stop for a hamburger later. Maybe cat. Maybe dog.
I was eating dinner at my neighborhood joint, Darling’s. My friend was talking to the owner about the restaurant next door and asking why no one ever eats there. Darling motioned to be quiet and said, in her very limited English, “Soft your mouth.”