Yesterday I motorbiked to Chiang Rai – a small city about an hour-and-a-half south. My hard drive failure has been weighing on me and the inability to upload and edit my photos for weeks on end has me pissed off, sad and homesick for technology that works. My drive is being sent back to the manufacturer in Bangkok. Godspeed. I was half temped to say fuck it and purchase a new Macbook – just to be able to process my 7,000+ images in a timely fashion. Perhaps put it on the credit card. But that’s not the wisest financial choice, so I walked away. It’s rainy season in Southeast Asia and for half of my trip I was motorbiking in a violent torrential downpour. I’m still not sure if this was a disaster or absolutely exhilarating. I can say, though, that I love the tandem motorbike rain coats that seem to be all the fashion this time of year. Hi-lar-ious!
While I love so many aspects of my life here, the inability to work on my photography is a major downer. I feel disconnected. A painter without paint. A poet without a pen. The lesson in all this is to cultivate patience, I think, but I’ve never been patient and I’m American and all, so I want it now, goddamn it.
The founder of DEPDC/GMS has decided to restructure the entire organization. He’s offered me a lead position as co-head of Child Rights Protection – a division responsible for stateless youth, universal birth rights, child protection and repatriation, and oversight of two of our shelters for abandoned, abused, and previously trafficked minors. In a somewhat joking manner, he asked me to stay for ten years. This is an amazing offer and I am honored and delighted to be considered, but I can’t commit just yet as there are still so many unanswered questions. One in particular is salary. NGOs are suffering financially worldwide and while an opportunity like this doesn’t come around often, I have to be able to support myself at the end of the day. So nothing’s really changed all that much but there is an offer is on the table. And a serious one at that. I’m committed to DEPDC/GMS until late June for sure. After that, I have to go where the money is. Job offers teaching English are still coming in from all over Thailand. Anything is possible, right?
Being a somewhat Type-A Capricorn/Virgo, it’s hard for me not to have a solid plan. I have to remind myself that I boarded the plane to Bangkok without a confirmed volunteer position and that all worked out so this will to. Clearly I need to cultivate the Thai vibe of jai yin yin. Chillax and let it unfold as it will.
I haven’t been homesick really since I left the U.S. six months ago but yesterday I had a bout, I think. I miss me mums and my friends and my friend’s children and organic food and the cool mountain air and my books and champagne and fontina cheese and late night cable television and the open highway and avocados and Larry and Luna’s vegan coconut ice cream. If I sound like I’m complaining, you can tell me to shut the fuck up. I’m really just waxing sentimental on the people and things I miss. And for my Zootowners who are reading this, I miss your smiling faces and would really love to hear from you. Skype, e-mail, a phone call, the bloggity blog, Facebook. Whatevs.
“If there was ever a time to dare, to make a difference, to embark on something worth doing, IT IS NOW. You owe it to yourself to make your days here count. HAVE FUN. DIG DEEP. STRETCH. DREAM BIG. Know, though, that things worth doing seldom come easy. There will be good days. And there will be bad days. There will be times when you want to turn around, pack it up, and call it quits. Those times tell you that you are pushing yourself, that you are not afraid to learn by trying. PERSIST. Because with an idea, determination, and the right tools, you can do great things. Believe in the incredible power of the human mind. Of doing something that makes a difference. The start of something new, brings the hope of something great. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.”