20 Reasons Why

I recently had an article published in Latitudes, an online magazine about culture, art and living in Southeast Asia. For shits and giggles, I thought I’d repost it here.

20 Reasons You May Have Been Living in Thailand For Too Long

 1. When an ant crawls into your noodle soup or plate of spicy som tam, you don’t bother removing it and chock it up as extra protein.

2. When someone shoves you at a local vegetable market, runs over your toe with a shopping cart, or cuts in front of you in line, you are the one to turn and apologize.

3. You start to exhibit withdrawal symptoms if you go more than a few days without a plate of phat kraphao.

4. When it comes to driving, you know full well that it doesn’t matter who got there first, it matters whose vehicle is bigger.

5. You have applied bling to your laptop, cellphone and motorbike, and are considering those otherworldly tiger-eyed contact lenses.

6.When it comes to the smell of durian, you don’t see what all the fuss is about.

7. What used to rank as a 10 on a scale of spiciness now only registers as a three.

8. You would rather physically remove yourself from a situation than cause a confrontation and you have done so on more than one occasion.

9. You believe that all food items should be neatly cut and served on or with sticks.

10. You can’t remember what road rage is or why anyone has it.

11. Transporting electric fans, furniture, suitcases and an assortment of other awkwardly shaped household items on your motorbike has become commonplace.

12. Not a day passes in which you do not dote over an adorable Asian baby as if having never seen one before.

13. You are appalled when the cost of eating out is over 5 USD.

14. You see the usefulness of having a one-inch long pinky fingernail.

15. In public, you are careful to cover your mouth when using a toothpick, but pick your nose openly.

16. You use the words “sexpat,” “kathoey,” “mai bpen rai,” “jai yin yin,” “up to you,” and “same-same” routinely.

17. You only feel like foreigner when someone calls you a farang directly, to which you are usually offended.

18. Your trend toward self-righteousness around tourists has become all too normal.  You couldn’t possibly have behaved that way when you first arrived.

19. You find pad Thai bland and boring.

20. You know that a “Bangkok haircut” is not really a haircut.

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